Monthly Archives: August 2014
I find it a lot easier to rest the body than rest the mind. So many thoughts of “I should” run rampant in my mind. The to do lists get longer and longer. Then, my thoughts turn to the “why didn’t you?”s, and the even harsher “why did you?”s. I worry about things that need to be done, should have been done, have happened, might happen and may never happen. Did I leave anything out?
I need to turn off the worry machine. For me, that can be easier said than done. I use music, food, books, pets, conversation and even reality TV as distractors from worry. I lean on my family for support, too.
Yet, I continue to worry. When I was younger, I wasn’t much of a worrier. I just knew things would work out for the best. Life seemed easy. Now, I have responsibilities, giving me license to worry. Worry, however, steals time. I realize that less time should be spent in worrying than in resolving the issues. I realize that there are not always easy answers. I realize I don’t have all the answers.
So, I pray. Sometimes, I can’t seem to organize the swirl of worried thoughts in my head. My mind races. Even though I may not even be sure of what to ask, I believe God listens and knows all the answers. God knows what I need and God knows what I need to hear. As in Psalm 46:10, God reminds me “Be still, and know that I am God!” The answer is simple, direct, comforting and gives me peace of mind.
When I hung the hummingbird feeder up on Saturday, I did have hope that I would finally get to see a hummingbird. I knew a few facts about the little birds. I knew they were the smallest birds in the world. I knew they could fly as fast as 60 miles per hour. I knew they could flap their wings 70 times in a second. I knew they could hover like a helicopter. And, I knew I wanted to see one for myself, in my own backyard.
I had tried before with no luck. Perhaps, the feeder location by the front door had been too busy. Perhaps, I had been too busy to notice. Perhaps, I had needed a Best-1 Hummingbird feeder like I have now. Perhaps, it just wasn’t the right time.
I wanted to see a hummingbird so much that I actually placed it on my bucket list. I hoped it would finally happen, and it did!
I was standing at my back door, staring intently at the feeder. “A watched pot never boils” kept running through my head, but I couldn’t look away. Suddenly, I saw the tiny bird zoom in and hover at the feeder. “I saw one! I saw one!” I shouted in amazement. And just as fast, he flew away. I worried that he had been scared away by my loud pronouncement of his sighting. 5:51. 8/18 at 5:51. The numbers floated in my head as I continued the watch. Then, there he was again. Three times I saw the little bird pose at the feeder. I was amazed to see it with my own eyes.
Each new sighting brought me a moment of joy! Now, I am a bird watcher.
I am the only person I know that has never seen a hummingbird. Hard to believe, I know. But it is true. Last night I hung a hummingbird feeder in my backyard, hoping for a little ruby throated visitor. I filled it with sweet sugar-water nectar for the little birds.
So far, no birds. However, I realize it may be a little late in the season. I still have hope it may attract a bird or two! Maybe a straggler on its migration south will stop by and then come around again next year. I am on a hummingbird watch and I remain hopeful!
Today, my brother said to me ” it’s amazing how we just adapt to some things.” We were talking about my mother and her struggles to walk. Sometimes change creeps up on us so slowly that we are amazed when we actually look back at how things used to be. My mother has long been forced to adapt to her growing need for assistance with walking and many other things. But, that doesn’t mean she has ever given up. She is a fighter and always does the best that she can under the circumstances. We love her more than anything, and she is an inspiration to us.
My mother lives with me and I am her primary caregiver, which is probably the most important role I will ever have in my life. So, I don’t have the time or energy for all the social gatherings I hear about. I cannot be as social as I used to be. I have adapted to my circumstances. I do appreciate the limited time I spend with friends. Usually, I choose to be at home. I am very fortunate to share time with my mother. I have learned that being adaptable does not mean giving up but rather making the best choices I can.